In Starkville for week

Hey guys! Not reachable by email this week: Will be at our Starkville house doing finishing touches for next rentors. If you need anything, please feel free to text my cell number or call it. It is the one that ends in 9970!
Happy Fourth of July!
Prayers needed for recent Crohn's flare trouble and severity.
You guys are always in my thoughts! Give us a call if you are planning anything near Starkville over the next week! We were thinking of trying to make it to Geyser Falls Wed. Time for gut to heal a little more will tell.
Joey will hopefully be getting to ride his bike on MSU campus this week and is SOO looking forward to it!
Must get on the road!
-S

Joey's spring school picture:

Destined Mother for a Boy

I'm pretty sure I would not make a great Mom for a girl. I was never really like most girls and really am not into the whole "girl thing" so to speak. Therefore, I think that is why God placed so many men in my life. I can understand a boy from the time they are small to the time they are grown and then some. I was closest to my father. My closest friends growing up were boys. My closest adult friends, however, has finally shifted towards females, though I find I prefer to be friends with their spouse at minimum, or I am not comfortable. Maybe it is because I am now a Mother of a boy and I KNOW without a doubt, how they think. I grew up with a brother VERY close in age. I grew up with Gene after I "left" home for college. I could go on. Then, there is the plight of Motherhood itself. A treasure and yet, some other strange things mixed in. Sometimes it mixes my brain up and nothing comes out of my mouth right. Sometimes it heals every wound and I can feel like Yoda himself. Strange job, this one is. Simply reading this blog should demonstrate what I mean:

Muddle-Mother Power Activate! (it's sort of like a Superpower, but winds up sucking the life out of you, instead, on those hair-ripping days! It is all relative and proportional, of course!). he he

I often think I have a name for a new blog - Mother Muddles or maybe, Muddle Mothers - By day, fighting germs, the school systems, pathogens, teaching life skills, and many, many more things/ by night, making attempts a frequent as possible to keep your man happy and your family in harmony!

There are nights before the lights go down, you slip off your robe to show your spouse your recent "night-gown" you've been waiting for the right night to pull out off it's hanger....and you gently slip into your side of the bed - it's OH So warm and inviting to be in bed and off your feet, your brain begins to slow from thinking beyond the multitude of those that want your 24/7 attention....you look over at the love of your life...you both exchange those bedtime-eyes (you know, the exchange that has been replaced by what was used to give each other the bedroom-eyes, on the nightly basis?)...and you reach to turn off the light after you've kissed your man before he gets one last look at you in your classier version of the sleep cloths you'd normally wear. The lights go out. Both of you hug up to one another...you kiss one another...then, "goodnight Baby" barely makes it out of both of your mouths before you each fall deeply asleep (that is, until the next day, where our early morning riser child will bring on new “I must get out all my toys and anything else up for grabs” fiasco occurs.) Thank God my boy is sweet to his Mother and is getting rather independent about putting his things back up!

We have a “rule” for Joey for Saturday and Sunday mornings, if you will get up on your own and play for a few minutes while one of us tries to get out of bed, have coffee, and then slam on the couch to be in the room with you until we wake up enough to actually play and do things together – you can get out any toys you want – and the “rule” where you put up what you were playing with before getting the next thing out – is suspended. This works like a charm. These toys then get picked up after the end of the weekend (with the exception of a few in the way)

I’ve learned a lot since the days of growing up around all boys in one town we lived in, as well as growing up with a slightly older brother, in addition to being committed to the same man for ~17 years: all boys are alike – their age has little to do with their basic needs.

The older they get, the more expensive their toys. Once they have one toy, they immediately think of the next thing they want. They need a woman with a big heart to cheer them on and explain how the world is. They need lots of hugs and praise when they do well. They need to KNOW when they have REALLY screwed up so they do not repeat said screw-up, but do not need to be told in a speech or by being yelled at – this upsets the male brain. They do not liked to be yelled at in anger or spoken rudely to, unless you want to expect this same behavior back from them. Let them enjoy playing WHATEVER THEY WANT for a decent amount of time to wind down when they have had it up to their ears with too much work/school. Always make sure a good snack is around. Always be around to give a hug or simply offer consolation/encouragement/kind words/hugs. When they are bored, give them something fun and new to do or take them to do something fun and new or tell them a funny story. Change their routine very little. Dress them nicely, cheer them on, criticize very little. Do not encourage bad behavior; even allow them to know you are “disappointed” in said behavior, but do not nag. My struggle: don’t over talk. Get straight too the point when making one. Ask questions, but do not ask 20 questions. Be specific. Sympathize with their response to the question, no matter what it is to get them to talk more. They are simple creatures that love organization, but not necessarily neatness. They need to know where all their THINGS are and if THINGS are moved, they must be in-serviced on such. Let them know where you stand on almost anything and what you expect from them. Tell them every morning and every night you love them, ‘no matter what’. Try to have a room just for them and their playtime. Respect their space so they will respect yours when you need it. Keep them close by and watch carefully if suddenly things get quiet and you know they aren’t occupied. This means they have either wondered off, fallen asleep, or are about to get into trouble! Give first and then you will get – no matter how long it takes before you see the receiving end!

Uhh (sigh) - another day for Muddling through Motherhood until tomorrow!

Suz!

Just some pictures...

Everybody has been so cool at taking pictures of their places and I realized: "We built this house (and still have some outside things to finish, i.e., driveway, landscaping, etc.) not even 2 years ago"!
SO, I guess I'll attempt to add some pictures....

Picture of the house from part of the front yard, with Purple Martin house in view. Yes, the Saturn is still with us...

House from the front, not a real close-up, but close enough to see the wrap-around porch. There is one one the back that doesn't wrap, just is across the back. The upstairs balcony goes inside to either Joey's room or Gene's office.

House from the side the driveway and parking (that will be extended to the back of the house so we can walk groceries right into the back door that goes into the kitchen. The double window on this side is to the kitchen. Part of the back porch is visible.

Where the garden grows in the summer.


Looking on towards one of the "sides" of the front yard.


Another side yard - the tree ahead is Joey's tree. Has his swings, etc. on it. :)

Looking from the kitchen in to the "Great Room" (as called by the original design). This view kind of captures the part of the room that includes the stairs to the upstairs.

Looking down into the Great Room, which includes bay-window seating for breakfast/informal dining, part of the kitchen that includes the island with bar stools, and the area we sit to watch T.V. The sofas are really one big sectional put in a little different. It has about 4 configurations depending on your living space. It's chocolate brown, not black! I hope it isn't showing black! Let's face it, Gene has all the photography skills in the family...

OK, I'm tired, so this concludes the first part of the tour of the Hellums' house. As you can tell, it is definitely more Farmhouse than anything. Those wood floors are special to us, too. Gene laid every single board by hand and nailed each one. If it weren't for our experience with "fixing up" houses, building a new one would have been more difficult for us.

Miss hearing from ya'll! I'll have to get around to checking blogs someday soon. Haven't had time after doing my own posts! I'm so SLOW!

Turtle

Some good days, A lot more bad days based on the addition of bad moments vs. the good ones

Dearest friends:
I was so grateful to run across the attached web site's material tonight after going through one of "those" few days:
It happens pretty regularly - only the symptoms or problem changes - this time - one day, a migraine, that night, no sleep of any worth to my body, the next day, fatigue and "brain fog"...Yes, Mother's of children face this problem - many will force themselves to bathe, put on make-up, and carry on with their day. But what about those of us - the ones of us that cannot always bathe without help on "those days from being too stiff or in too much pain - what do people like me do? Well, to be honest, I have the "bath in a sanitary pack". They come like baby wipes, travel size or in a bigger box. They contain some awful crap in them that dries out the skin; yet is effective in getting off any dirt and is really a great compromise for a bath when I can't take one. Typically, I have to use these about 2 days out of 7, and sometimes 1 day of 7, I just don't feel well enough to bathe. It does suck, but it is less embarrassing than my almost 6 year old see his Dad having to "take care of me".
Frankly, we explain things differently right now for Joey so he isn't horrified to find out his Mom is not somehow close to normal. I need my son to have a concept of what normal is for him to form those healthy brain cells, so if he should ever (God help him, I hope he never does to the extent some of us have) see hell; he has normal brain chemistry in his mind to recover.
In the meantime, like any parent, we are teaching him to cope with the real world that he has, as an almost 6 year old.
My closest analogy to being chronically ill is like having a newborn baby that doesn't ever grow up: It requires constant attention, causes me to feel sleep-deprived, some days I don't bathe or wash my hair, although my yearn to feel normal over-rides this feeling more often than not and I delve into what usually is a 1 hour bath, It just takes that long - kind of like bathing your newborn. If you can apply that logic to just about anything a person with a newborn does, you've got my life. So, I keep up with a 38 yr old, a 6 year old, a newborn, and on the days I get to - myself. I miss myself. I don't get to have enough time with myself.

Because there seems to be little understanding as to when I might be seen on a good day or bad day, I found the following a good start for those lacking in the common courtesy arts for the Chronically Ill:
Here is a great explanation from another blog about us "Chronically Ill" folks:

"Invisible Disabilities?" What Does That Mean?

"A person is considered to have a disability if he or she has difficulty performing certain functions (seeing, hearing, talking, walking, climbing stairs and lifting and carrying), or has difficulty performing activities of daily living, or has difficulty with certain social roles (doing school work for children, working at a job and around the house for adults)" (Disabilities Affect One-Fifth of All Americans). Just because a person has a disability, does not mean they are "disabled." Many living with physical or mental challenges are still able to be active in their hobbies, work and be active in sports. On the other hand, some struggle just to get through their day at work and some cannot work at all.

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA) an individual with a disability is a person who: Has a physical (or mental) impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities; has a record of such an impairment; or is regarded as having such an impairment (Disability Discrimination). To read A List of Limitations on Major Life Activities Click Here.

Often when we think of the term, "disability," we assume it only refers to people using a wheelchair or walker. On the contrary, the 1994-1995 Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP) found that 26 million Americans (almost 1 in 10) were considered to have a severe disability, while only 1.8 million used a wheelchair and 5.2 million used a cane, crutches or walker (Americans with Disabilities 94-95). In other words, 74% of Americans who live with a severe disability do not use such devices. Therefore, a disability cannot be determined solely on whether or not a person uses assisted equipment.

The term Invisible Disabilities refers a person's symptoms such as extreme fatigue, dizziness, pain, weakness, cognitive impairments, etc. that are sometimes or always debilitating. These symptoms can occur due to chronic illness, chronic pain, injury, birth disorders, etc. and are not always obvious to the onlooker.

A person can have an Invisible Disability whether or not they have a "visible" impairment or use an assistive device like a wheelchair, walker, cane, etc. For example, whether or not a person utilizes an assisitive device, if they are debilitated by such symptoms as extreme pain, fatigue, cognitive dysfunctions and dizziness, they have invisible disabilities.

References: Disabilities Affect One-Fifth of All Americans, 1997 www.census.gov/prod/3/97pubs/cenbr975.pdf

Disability Discrimination www.eeoc.gov/types/ada.html

Americans with Disabilities www.census.gov/apsd/www/statbrief/sb94_1.pdf

I'm hoping this information (and venting that I needed to do) will clear up any questions for those that wonder why some of us can "look just fine", even "better than ever", and can still be worse than you'd ever know.

Love (and feeling Loss)
me

Another Con in Newborn Vaccinations: (including toddlers, young children, etc.)

Another study showing the ineffectiveness of vaccinations, summarized by HealthDay; April 4th:

Study suggests reducing food intake may impair immune system.

University of Chicago researchers found that reduced food intake or even, reducing the amount of feed to a similar mammalian [immunological model -deer mice] system, impaired the immune system's response. The findings were published in the May/June issue of Physiological and Biochemical Zoology. Furthermore, "decreasing the amount of food the mice ate by 30 percent significantly decreased the number of B cells in their systems." The same authors stated, "previous studies have also found that vaccines that provoke B cells to protect the body long-term, such as the vaccine for measles, are less effective among the malnourished."

What is the take home message? Babies are born and have to become accustomed to mouth feeding. Some take to it quickly, others are slower to start. Either way, it takes some infants months to become prepared for the introduction of solid foods, much less become accustomed to a regular feeding schedule shortly after birth. However, before you leave the hospital with your newborn in hand, unless you otherwise state; your baby will be vaccinated with, at minimum, 3 vaccines! Knowing this information alone, are we all really comfortable letting someone that knows nothing about our family history, child's birth weight, or feeding habits, make such a vital decision for us because of State and Federal mandates? When Joey was born, my answer was "No". When asked, my answer is still, "no". Unfortunately, our children must be vaccinated in order to attend daycare facilities, public schools, and even private pre-school/daycare facilities so that the facilities do not risk the loss of their license by 'aiding and abetting' in a form of "child-abuse"(!) (as defined by many agencies that regulate these practices, including the AMA)! How, as concerned parents, do we get around such strict measures? Finally, after all the hell I've been through, I finally am getting the message. I need to share these lessons. For now, I will start with this one: One, be prepared to cut you or your partner's man hours. 2) Do not employ anyone in their toddler years that is a "licensed daycare giver", etc. 3) Get informed. Find out what vaccines are for what 'diseases' and whether they are from live attenuated virus or LAV particles. If no, is it a DNA vaccine or RNA vaccine? I have found over the 15+ years of being in the research and clinical lab fields, that DNA vaccines (that are not mixed with other vaccines) are pretty safe, and would be the only vaccine I agreed Joey could get before we left the hospital on the 3rd day after he took his first breath without me or in the safety of my womb. 4) If you want to see how your baby is going to respond to a vaccination, go with the anti-DNA HBV vaccine series first. It has been proven to be recognized by the immune-system in the same way the immune system would recognize the virus itself, however, the live attenuated viral particles/LAV are not part of the vaccine make-up. 5) Most importantly, when it comes to beginning vaccinations of your infant/toddler/child, establish early-on "one vaccine at a time"(not one vaccine-type at a time, but literally, one vaccine for one disease at a time). No trained/long-standing pediatric nurse or pediatrician will allow your child to be vaccinated again for 21-28 days minimum. Considering the hustle and bustle of Pediatric Clinics, it is wise to have the 'worst' of the vaccines (the combination vaccines or "com vac's", as they are often called) to be planned ahead of time and given during the summer months, when cold and flu season is well over. Also, find a time when no one that has/has had immediate contact with your child is, or has been, sick for 72 hours prior to the day your child gets his/her first "com vac"or start of his/her vaccine series. Once you are able to see (& document) how your child does with other vaccines (including your 1st Hep B), and after you have an established eating and sleep schedule, feel free to allow for the 2nd Hep B with a "com vac" or a different vaccine to be started/given - IF your child has already tolerated (a) previous vaccine(s) or their first set that can be combined. 6) It is best to vaccinate, if possible, during a time when your child will be in your care the most over the 21-28 day period mentioned so YOU can be the one to document any fever, illness symptoms, behavior changes, etc. Once you see how your child responds to EACH vaccine or vaccine group (some come in groups regardless), do not allow ANYONE to talk you into skipping ANY timebefore the "booster shot" is due! If anything, think back to your own childhood, when booster shots were given at age 12 years and ask yourself, "Why does my child need 5 DTaP/DT/Td vaccines, 4 Prevnar, 4 Hib, 2 MMR, 4 Hep B (actually, that one, if scheduled correctly, can be done by the time your child starts Kindergarten if you go on the basis that your child's immune system is in decent shape for that one), 4-5 Polio, and possibly 1-2 Hep A (depending on state regs.) vaccines before he/she is 5 years old??!"!!

It is a hot topic, yet excellent question, for those of you concerned about this issue. This one issue can cause the questions regarding it lead to heated debates between scholars, state mandate's, doctors, parents, and researchers, and usually, the children getting the "shots" themselves! I've heard about parents guilted into accepting responsibility for their infants to get their vaccines "on time; while they won't remember them" as a way to get cooperation from 'combative' or 'over-protective' parents. Logically, if someone needs to scare you into making a decision; you definitely want to check into what and when each vaccine is required by your state, as well as, what it is for and more importantly, how far you can possibly stretch out those last (or in some cases, last couple of) "booster" shots? (This information should be public knowledge in each state and easily found via the Internet.)
Consider this: the meaning of a "booster shot" is to re-familiarize the immune system of its ability to eradicate the disease in question with the original B cell(s) that are storing the originally-formed antibodies (which can take time, some vaccines state 21-28 days before "symptoms of the vaccine dissipate!). Upon final vaccination, that B cell/antibody forms it's final 'back-up copy', so to speak, in order for it to be recalled later in life. (The earlier vaccines were established for childhood exposures, but for some reason, 'not all children' were getting the proper response required by the vaccine. Therefore, the vaccination rate started earlier and the amounts given have gone up.)
It seems the longer between (at least) the final "booster shots" and the initial, immune-accepting vaccine(s), the better for the maturing immune system (using A + B = C thinking). With the above in mind, you can answer this question: if your 'established' infant/toddler/child just got their first series of vaccinations 2 months ago, do you really think the immune system (needing 21 years to reach maturity), is going to FORGET it has gotten a vaccine recently? If Immuno-toxicologists/Immunologist were speaking (or if asked myself), the given answer is "No", and always will be.

Yours,
XXOO
Suzanne