The Best Birthday Gift for the Age-Challanged!

Hi everybody!

I have my own personal secretary! I have just been given the Naturally Speaking speech recognition software. Finally, I have the secretary my dad always said that I would have when he recommended I skip taking a typing class! I am still working out some of the bugs, however, so far things are going pretty well. It is amazing what technology can do!

Happy birthday to me one day late! I would've Blogged this sooner, however, I had to get through the tutorial first.

Now I can finally update everyone more often!

If I could just get it to e-mail for me, then my life would be much easier. Even better than that, if I could get it to answer my phone, I would be even better off!

Love,

Suz

Advice for struggling parents with an "able-minded" child(?)

Today, there is a tremendous amount of research that exists regarding “intelligent children” that didn’t when I was a child. In addition, public schools are covering concepts with kids close to 1 to 2 grades earlier than when I went to school.

Now, I am raising my own child. He is smarter than I was at the age he is, however, the school systems have changed who they care about teaching because of the “no child left behind” Act. Kindergarten classes may cover material earlier than ever before; it is only because they have to teach it repetitively so that the lower and average students are not “left behind”.

When Joey went to private pre-school, he covered more material than they have covered in his Kindergarten classes, other than maybe advances in word reading. Of course, Joey is able to take that and advance it to 1^st and 2^nd grade (current day) reading.

It is hard for me to figure out what to do for him to keep him interested in school. They send home so much “busy-work” homework that is the repeat of what he did the day before, or that day, in class. Joey is complaining of being bored at school (in class). He is also showing signs of lack of motivation. I’ve been consumed with issues of what to do for him so he doesn’t become spoiled, lazy, gives up because he is not challenged at school; while trying to figure out how I can help him at home, because his school doesn’t start gifted classes until 2nd grade!

I finally found there is a wealth of information and programs out there – however, many programs for kids with a high intellect do not start these programs until 4^th grade! I am afraid I will lose Joey by the 4^th grade under these conditions! Not only that, I found a lot of research shows “that if gifted children/people aren’t challenged, after a while they lose interest in challenging themselves. They stop growing. They stop caring.” I don’t want Joey to stop caring before he ever got a chance to start!

For me, I challenged myself to have a haven away from my private hell of a home-life. But Joey loves being at home, gets to ask complicated questions and play complicated games here. I’d love to home school him, but I feel at this age, it seems so inappropriate – especially because we are so isolated from other people where we live. Joey fits the description of a certain type (apparently there are 4 types of “gifted personalities”) of gifted personality that only values having a few close friends, opposed to a majority of different friends, so I am questioning how I can help him more here, have even considered home-schooling him at a later date; only after he has established friendships.

As far as his “intellectual personality” goes, he fits the “Characteristics of Giftedness” to the letter (from http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/What_is_Gifted/characgt.htm):

• Reasons well (good thinker)
• Learns rapidly
• Has extensive vocabulary
• Has an excellent memory
• Has a long attention span (if interested)
• Sensitive (feelings hurt easily)
• Shows compassion
• Perfectionist
• Intense
• Morally sensitive
• Has strong curiosity
• Perseverant in their interests
• Has high degree of energy
• Prefers older companions or adults
• Has a wide range of interests
• Has a great sense of humor
• Early or avid reader (if too young to read, loves being read to)
• Concerned with justice, fairness
• Judgment mature for age at times
• Is a keen observer
• Has a vivid imagination
• Is highly creative
• Tends to question authority
• Has facility with numbers
• Good at jigsaw puzzles

There are several non-profit organizations out there to help out children that are not being challenged at school. Many of these parents are home schooling there kids. I’m trying my hardest to teach Joey other things that he has an interest in at home. When it is time for him to return to school, he absolutely cannot stand to go some days. The days he does like involve having extra time to play with his best friend on “long recess” days, which are Mon and Wed.

While looking into what I can do for Joey and how to help him, I come across this information:

“A New Definition of Giftedness - Defining Giftedness from Within

Giftedness is 'asynchronous development' in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally." (The Columbus Group, 1991, in Morelock, 1992)

"Asynchrony" means being out of sync, both internally and externally. "Asynchronous development" means that gifted children develop cognitively at a much faster rate than they develop physically and emotionally, posing some interesting problems. For example, ideas forged by 8-year-old minds may be difficult to produce with 5-year-old hands. Further, advanced cognition often makes gifted children aware of information that they are not yet emotionally ready to handle. They tend to experience all of life with greater intensity, rendering them emotionally complex. These children usually do not fit the developmental norms for their age; they have more advanced play interests and often are academically far ahead of their age peers. The brighter the child, the greater the asynchrony and potential vulnerability. Therefore, parents who are aware of the inherent developmental differences of their children can prepare themselves to act as their advocates. (Silverman)”

This definition of gifted children classifies my child almost as if he was part of the study group! Few close friends get to witness Joey’s “intellectual personality” (where he is comfortable) have commented on Joey’s different responses to things. Naturally, I am so concerned about anything I might do in order to encourage his behavior that is perceived negatively by his peers or teachers (also, Gene and I have made rapidly accepted changed to Joey’s discipline and expectations, which have given us the opportunity to see what it is that is a result of Joey’s intellectual experiences). Because he is socially aware, I have often resorted to what is acceptable “socially” (so to speak) in order to get him to understand why he cannot use certain behaviors to respond to children/people acting out what is perceived as “unjustly” by Joey’s definition. We use this technique to reassure Joey how to act when he is either treated unfairly by a playground bully or simply isn’t getting his needs met during nap time in the classroom, but is too self-conscience about speaking up about either for fear of being a “tattle-tale” or maybe because he doesn’t want to “get in trouble”. He will sit and suffer in order to keep his good standing with his teachers (why he doesn’t do this at home is beyond me, but I am glad he trusts us, and a few certain other people in our lives, to show us where he is having problems dealing with things). Honestly, I’d LOVE to send him to private school, but I don’t want him to be in an ivory tower his whole life, either!

What choices have some of you made for your kids in this situation? This is something I read over and over about trying to figure how I can make better for him, but seem to only succeed in areas such as taking him to a museum, on the University campus, do little experiments at home, etc. I would like for him to have the material placed in front of him at school set at a pace he would be challenged, but I am not sure what my rights are involving a “special” curriculum that I would have to plan anyway if he were to be allowed such a thing at his school! Any suggestions?

Thanks! Suz

The Ending to a Beautiful & Long Overdue Holy Week

Wow! What a week! It has been so busy, that I wasn't able to get Joey to the first Sunday "Service" at Saint Peter's Episcopal in Oxford I wanted him to go to (Palm Sunday - a favorite), however, I had decided Maundy Thursday would be the perfect one to take him to since it is so simple and makes such a statement about the tradition and beauty of the evening it represents. I woke up that day feeling I was going to make it through a 'good day'.
We had committed ourselves ALL day for the service, and somehow once it got to an hour before the service, I was in excruciating pain and we did not get to go. I looked back again in my Book of Common Prayer to find the "Stations of the Cross" that follows the Good Friday noon service & decided it would be the next best one for Joey to experience.
IT WAS! I explained to him before it all started how Jesus had worn a crown of thorns and was made to carry his own cross up a long stretch of paths that would lead to the top of a Mountain. He has seen the 3 crosses at the Baptist church next door to our house where we are blessed with the use of their track for Joey's bike rides, etc. Of course, we also will contribute to the church and participate in a few choice activities in order to appear often enough to not lose the privileges we have gained from being part of this odd community where we live (not that they don't benefit from me picking up trash while I'm there, either)! However, all the times we attend the Southern Baptist Church almost next door (across the road from the easement we share - so really like 10-15 acres away); it never feels anything like the tradition and reverence of the ceremonies of the church I grew up in.
Being able to take Joey to one and find one he could begin to participate in a chapel service has been a hard decision to make; but he has really opened up lately and asked a lot of extremely interesting society-type questions. One was, "Do children go to jail?". At first, I was horrified by him asking this question, to which my response was, "were you planning on going or what?"!! Finally after some talking on his part, I realized he took a comment I had made to him about the use of his bad manners [in front of some people he is comfortable with] could very well be interpreted as he being a bad person, of which I know he is not. Joey having heard one cousin family member of mine and I discussing another person in my family; whom I said I thought was 'terrible, bad, a troublemaker' and "surprised he never went to jail" all as Joey was listening (as he always is) and thought his "bad" manners (my description of them ONCE) and thought hecould go to jail for them! He is so abstract! In spite if the abstract-nature he has, he does care very much about others and when he learns he has compromised the feelings or life of another person or living being, he takes it so hard he can be brought to cry. He takes critism so hard, I think, because he is already very self-aware and self-critical. It breaks my heart.
Knowing this about him, but also knowing he wanted to attend the church in the chapel, I decided the Stations of the Cross would be the first one he would attend with just me. We literally went through all 14 Stations, overall which Joey knew what to expect before-hand! I was about to pass out from all the walking, I think as well as Joey for such a hot day, but it was a resounding success! I was so happy to see the alter still stripped and the crosses still covered in the chapel. Joey and I sat in there after everyone had left to talk about anything he didn't understand. All he didn't get was why they used a cross to punish Jesus. I left out the part of history about how people were judged and "justice" was served in a different way all those thousands of years ago!

Because of his interest, we both returned with Gene together on Holy Saturday after sundown for the candle-light Easter Vigil. Before we started the Vigil in the newly moon-lit courtyard, I was able to light candles in memory of those that will not be forgotten and yet, could not be with me in the flesh since the last time I attended an Easter Vigil.

After lighting the Paschal candle, burning incense, and every candle (including Joey's) was lit from that flame; we were able to enjoy 1 hrs and 30 minutes of the service before Joey even got antsy! I was so happy to get to attend this service, which in all fairness to Joey, was a LONG service for a 5.5 year old to attend! I would have been squirming in my seat WAY before did! I also tried to explain the things we would do before they happened, which seems to help him have more patience with respect, church, etc. Once Joey started the "wiggle-yet-not-embarrassing-me-yet" dance he does, I sent him and Gene to the car - where after immediately Holy Communion was held, I got to partake of, and joined my family in the car! The service was SO moving and I cried a great deal for those I have lost over the last 2 years. It was truly a memorable service. I was so glad this is how we broke up our Holy Week services this year!

I hope the newness that has passed within my soul and spirit will remain for as long as my spirit needs to be fed for the days ahead. I would also wish this for each of you.

Peace be with you!
Suz