There are 16 basic Boys Town Social Skills that are taught, demonstrated, and
expected of students in the class Joey is in. Students are taught the steps of each social skill and expected to demonstrate them with their peer relations first and then be able to use them in their adult interactions in class and beyond.
Below is the Table of Contents of The 16 Boys Town Social Skills:
1. Introducing Yourself
2. Following Instructions
3. Accepting a Criticism
4. Accepting "No"
5. Greeting Others
6. Getting the Teacher's Attention
7. Asking For What You Want
8. Disagreeing
9. Giving a Criticism
10. Saying "No"
11. Saying You're Sorry
12. Talking With Others
13. Giving Compliments
14. Accepting Compliments
15. Offering to Help
16. Reporting to the Teacher
Now the Social Skills!
Social Skills for Grade-School Kids
1. Introducing yourself
a. Look at the person and smile.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Offer a greeting like "Hi, my name is...."
d. Some adult men offer their hand to shake to young boys. Shake the person's hand with a firm and warm grasp if the person extends their hand to shake. Do not grasp anyone’s hand too hard or shake a hand too rough.
e. When you leave, say "It was nice to meet you."
2. Following Instructions
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Do what you've been asked right away.
d. Check back to make sure you completed/did the request correctly.
3. Accepting Criticism or Consequence(s) [Possibly outcomes for Bad Behavior(s)]
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Don't argue.
4. Accepting "no" for an answer
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Stay calm, remembering to breathe deep & regular.
d. If you disagree, it may be Okay to ask later when you are alone with the person (during a peaceful time) why the answer was ‘no’, if it is something that more information would help you understand why the answer was ‘no’. If it was a difficult question for you to ask, explain that you had a hard time asking the question. Thank the person for the explanation.
e. Practice asking questions that are hard for you to ask certain people in front of the mirror or go over how to ask your question in your mind several ways before committing to ask hard ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. Should your feelings get hurt from the ‘no’ answer, Here are some suggestions on how to feel better:
Think of something funny someone did.
Think of a show you like and replay a silly moment in your head.
Make a goofy face in front of the mirror at yourself.
Sit and count something around the room until you feel better.
Count to 10 or 20 in your head.
Breathe calmly. Do not replay the moment in your mind, it is not healthy for you!
5. Greeting others
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "Hi" or "Hello."
6. Getting the teacher's attention
a. Look at the teacher.
b. Raise your hand. Stay calm.
c. Wait until the teacher says your name.
d. Ask your question.
7. Asking for what you want (Making a request)
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "please" and explain exactly what you are asking for.
d. If the answer is "yes" -- say "thank you."
e. If the answer is "no" -- say "okay" and accept "no" for an answer.
8. Disagreeing appropriately
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "I understand how you feel."
d. Tell why you feel differently.
e. Give a reason, not an excuse.
f. Listen to the other person; use eye contact and a pleasant face expression.
9. Giving Criticism (Correcting someone)
a. Look at the person.
b. Stay calm; use a pleasant, kind voice.
c. Say something positive (nice about how they did what was done) first.
d. Describe exactly what you are correcting or criticizing; without being rude or talking down to the person. Be direct, but do not keep repeating the mistake that was made.
e. Tell why the mistake is a problem.
f. Listen to the person’s response – give them time and space to feel they
can share with you why they made a mistake.
Be polite! Mistakes are how we learn!
g. Make Sure You: Thank the person(s) for allowing you to help learn with them. (This
method is called a positive-negative-positive and is used by many adults in leadership positions.)
10. Resisting peer pressure (Saying "NO")
a. Look at the person (usually a friend) in the eyes.
b. Stay calm and use your calm in your voice when you are ready to speak.
c. Say clearly that you do not want to participate (Say "no" or “no thanks”).
d. Suggest something else to do. If what you want to do is not approved by the person, do not get upset, simply smile at your friend.
e. If you still need to say ‘no’ again because you are asked again to participate, continue to speak “no” in a calm, kind, voice.
f. After saying “no”, walk away to another activity. It is Okay to feel hurt, but still try to be a friend and wave bye, even if you have to pretend you are happy your friend(s) is doing something he/she enjoys with another person.
11. Saying "I'm sorry."
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a friendly voice.
c. Say "I am sorry for...."
d. Do not try to make excuses for your words or action, because it will only annoy the other person.
e. Say "Next time I will try to [insert requested changed behavior] instead."
f. Say "Thanks for listening. Will you accept my apology?"
12. Talking with others
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant (kind & nice) voice.
c. Ask questions about the person you are speaking to, like, “Have you seen [insert the name of a movie you like/toy/T.V. show]?”.
d. Don't interrupt when they speak in return.
13. Giving Compliments
a. Look at the person.
b. Smile.
c. Speak clearly, with an enthusiastic voice.
d. Tell the person exactly what you like, pick something simple, like a piece of clothing or facial feature.
14. Accepting Compliments
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "Thank you."
For older kids, Do not do the following:
d. Don't look away, mumble, disagree with, or deny the compliment, OR pretend it was not heard. This is impolite behavior and could change the compliment-giver feels around you, maybe have a problem with talking to you in a nice way next time. Again, (d) and the example is simply listed to help you see how every person is different and how you can have an effect on a nice person or possible friend. It is an example of how unclear feelings towards others quickly happen without anyone else knowing why. Instead, try always smiling and making eye contact with someone looking at you, while they are speaking, even if you cannot hear them. Then, you can tell them “I did not hear you, please say that again?”. This method will help to keep from not forming a new friendship by using steps that work to stop confusion between 2 classmates (i.e., you & the other person).
15. Volunteering (Offering to help)
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant, excited voice.
c. Ask if you can help. Describe exactly what you want to help with.
d. Thank the person.
e. Check back when you've finished. (For older kids: Ask for what you can do different, if you are taking over a repeat task, next time you help if the task is very special.)
16. Reporting other youths' behavior
a. Find an adult or teacher you trust
b. Look at the teacher or adult.
c. Use a calm voice. Ask to talk to the adult privately.
d. Describe the inappropriate behavior you are reporting.
e. Explain why you are making the report.
f. Answer any questions the adult has.
g. Thank the adult for listening.
Obviously, some of the "skills" were explained more for Joey's sake. We all try to keep things consistent from school and home for him at this point. However, weekends and afternoons must be more laid-back for all of our housed Type-A's; no one can run like a machine constantly! Considering we are in the South, the usefulness of these Skills are really important for Joey to get and use as long as we are here. I would have done anything to have my hands on these when he was a tad younger (or for someone to have them for me when I was!)! Boys like a logical answer to things and when it is written down, it seems easier to use to refer to it for expectations. I suppose it is tied into that whole "girls mature before boys" thing!
Well, I hope you guys find these as entertaining and/or helpful as I found them to be!
Love,
Suz
