Selling the House for our Move to ABQ

So we are starting to make the 'house for sale' official by putting what we can as FSBO's on ouroxfordhome.com. So far there are just pictures of the outside as I am slowly decluttering the inside in hopes for inside pictures so I can meet the deadline of March 1st for Gene to officially put the house on the market!

Some of the Boys/Girls Town Social Skills for Teaching Young Kids

Boys Town Social Skills

There are 16 basic Boys Town Social Skills that are taught, demonstrated, and
expected of students in the class Joey is in. Students are taught the steps of each social skill and expected to demonstrate them with their peer relations first and then be able to use them in their adult interactions in class and beyond.

Below is the Table of Contents of The 16 Boys Town Social Skills:

1. Introducing Yourself
2. Following Instructions
3. Accepting a Criticism
4. Accepting "No"
5. Greeting Others
6. Getting the Teacher's Attention
7. Asking For What You Want
8. Disagreeing
9. Giving a Criticism
10. Saying "No"
11. Saying You're Sorry
12. Talking With Others
13. Giving Compliments
14. Accepting Compliments
15. Offering to Help
16. Reporting to the Teacher

Now the Social Skills!

Social Skills for Grade-School Kids

1. Introducing yourself

a. Look at the person and smile.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Offer a greeting like "Hi, my name is...."
d. Some adult men offer their hand to shake to young boys. Shake the person's hand with a firm and warm grasp if the person extends their hand to shake. Do not grasp anyone’s hand too hard or shake a hand too rough.
e. When you leave, say "It was nice to meet you."

2. Following Instructions
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Do what you've been asked right away.
d. Check back to make sure you completed/did the request correctly.

3. Accepting Criticism or Consequence(s) [Possibly outcomes for Bad Behavior(s)]
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Don't argue.

4. Accepting "no" for an answer
a. Look at the person.
b. Say "Okay."
c. Stay calm, remembering to breathe deep & regular.
d. If you disagree, it may be Okay to ask later when you are alone with the person (during a peaceful time) why the answer was ‘no’, if it is something that more information would help you understand why the answer was ‘no’. If it was a difficult question for you to ask, explain that you had a hard time asking the question. Thank the person for the explanation.
e. Practice asking questions that are hard for you to ask certain people in front of the mirror or go over how to ask your question in your mind several ways before committing to ask hard ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions. Should your feelings get hurt from the ‘no’ answer, Here are some suggestions on how to feel better:
Think of something funny someone did.
Think of a show you like and replay a silly moment in your head.
Make a goofy face in front of the mirror at yourself.
Sit and count something around the room until you feel better.
Count to 10 or 20 in your head.
Breathe calmly. Do not replay the moment in your mind, it is not healthy for you!

5. Greeting others
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "Hi" or "Hello."

6. Getting the teacher's attention
a. Look at the teacher.
b. Raise your hand. Stay calm.
c. Wait until the teacher says your name.
d. Ask your question.

7. Asking for what you want (Making a request)
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "please" and explain exactly what you are asking for.
d. If the answer is "yes" -- say "thank you."
e. If the answer is "no" -- say "okay" and accept "no" for an answer.

8. Disagreeing appropriately
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "I understand how you feel."
d. Tell why you feel differently.
e. Give a reason, not an excuse.
f. Listen to the other person; use eye contact and a pleasant face expression.

9. Giving Criticism (Correcting someone)
a. Look at the person.
b. Stay calm; use a pleasant, kind voice.
c. Say something positive (nice about how they did what was done) first.
d. Describe exactly what you are correcting or criticizing; without being rude or talking down to the person. Be direct, but do not keep repeating the mistake that was made.
e. Tell why the mistake is a problem.
f. Listen to the person’s response – give them time and space to feel they
can share with you why they made a mistake.

Be polite! Mistakes are how we learn!

g. Make Sure You: Thank the person(s) for allowing you to help learn with them. (This
method is called a positive-negative-positive and is used by many adults in leadership positions.)

10. Resisting peer pressure (Saying "NO")
a. Look at the person (usually a friend) in the eyes.
b. Stay calm and use your calm in your voice when you are ready to speak.
c. Say clearly that you do not want to participate (Say "no" or “no thanks”).
d. Suggest something else to do. If what you want to do is not approved by the person, do not get upset, simply smile at your friend.
e. If you still need to say ‘no’ again because you are asked again to participate, continue to speak “no” in a calm, kind, voice.
f. After saying “no”, walk away to another activity. It is Okay to feel hurt, but still try to be a friend and wave bye, even if you have to pretend you are happy your friend(s) is doing something he/she enjoys with another person.

11. Saying "I'm sorry."
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a friendly voice.
c. Say "I am sorry for...."
d. Do not try to make excuses for your words or action, because it will only annoy the other person.
e. Say "Next time I will try to [insert requested changed behavior] instead."
f. Say "Thanks for listening. Will you accept my apology?"

12. Talking with others
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant (kind & nice) voice.
c. Ask questions about the person you are speaking to, like, “Have you seen [insert the name of a movie you like/toy/T.V. show]?”.
d. Don't interrupt when they speak in return.

13. Giving Compliments
a. Look at the person.
b. Smile.
c. Speak clearly, with an enthusiastic voice.
d. Tell the person exactly what you like, pick something simple, like a piece of clothing or facial feature.

14. Accepting Compliments
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant voice.
c. Say "Thank you."
For older kids, Do not do the following:
d. Don't look away, mumble, disagree with, or deny the compliment, OR pretend it was not heard. This is impolite behavior and could change the compliment-giver feels around you, maybe have a problem with talking to you in a nice way next time. Again, (d) and the example is simply listed to help you see how every person is different and how you can have an effect on a nice person or possible friend. It is an example of how unclear feelings towards others quickly happen without anyone else knowing why. Instead, try always smiling and making eye contact with someone looking at you, while they are speaking, even if you cannot hear them. Then, you can tell them “I did not hear you, please say that again?”. This method will help to keep from not forming a new friendship by using steps that work to stop confusion between 2 classmates (i.e., you & the other person).

15. Volunteering (Offering to help)
a. Look at the person.
b. Use a pleasant, excited voice.
c. Ask if you can help. Describe exactly what you want to help with.
d. Thank the person.
e. Check back when you've finished. (For older kids: Ask for what you can do different, if you are taking over a repeat task, next time you help if the task is very special.)

16. Reporting other youths' behavior
a. Find an adult or teacher you trust
b. Look at the teacher or adult.
c. Use a calm voice. Ask to talk to the adult privately.
d. Describe the inappropriate behavior you are reporting.
e. Explain why you are making the report.
f. Answer any questions the adult has.
g. Thank the adult for listening.

Obviously, some of the "skills" were explained more for Joey's sake. We all try to keep things consistent from school and home for him at this point. However, weekends and afternoons must be more laid-back for all of our housed Type-A's; no one can run like a machine constantly! Considering we are in the South, the usefulness of these Skills are really important for Joey to get and use as long as we are here. I would have done anything to have my hands on these when he was a tad younger (or for someone to have them for me when I was!)! Boys like a logical answer to things and when it is written down, it seems easier to use to refer to it for expectations. I suppose it is tied into that whole "girls mature before boys" thing!

Well, I hope you guys find these as entertaining and/or helpful as I found them to be!

Love,
Suz

Comments on my immune system, the last 6 weeks or so+, catching up & other mouth drainage!

Hey guys! I'm back to life!

I have been thinking of so many, many of you; especially those of ya'll that live in MS, LA, FL & TX coasts (i.e., in the wake of the recent Hurricanes) and have sent good thoughts your way!

Some short comments to my above Blog title. It has taken me over a week just to get this to save and publish on Blogger, so please forgive some of the off day info! I find this is the best way to get back into the blog world right now! I hope the jumping back and forth and novel-length will not send my readers wanting to pull their hair out:

• I have just been put on self-injectable Embrel (IP injection for ya'll seasoned medical readers/once a week).
• Had to wait to start Embrel after a 3 week period where I had to have 3 of 3 wisdom teeth removed (#4 never was)
• Nearing the end of above mentioned 3 week period; I busted my a$ getting my house ready for Joey's 6-year BDay party (which would also mean, Happy Belated BDays to Luke E. and Zoe W.!!!) As a side: I will never feel quite as close to any females as I did when we all went through pregnancy together (the aforementioned children's Moms). We were all pregnant and serving on the MSMS Board at the same time. I was having my first, Alice her 2nd, and Cindy her 3rd. How we got through those days - I don't know - but every year around Joey's BDay, I always think of Cindy and Alice! Our children's birth orders did not turn out the way we expected, huh?!
• Then, the night of my son's BDay party (which was on the day after the 15th), my 3 God-children, part of a family of 5, came to stay that night! It was a great time! Man is it always nice to be able to sit with someone in trust and share joys, ideas, issues, sadness, happiness, love, and even criticism (mainly, I ask for the criticism due to the 3 years I went through a period where my long term memory went to hell. It was from the near multi-system failure I went through somewhat after my hysterectomy -which caused a full-on ablation operation on every major organ the surgeons could see in my abdomen while open bec/ of my ovarian cyst/ball and endometriosis that came back with a vengeance after Joey was born, etc. etc - long story.)
• I really had begun to miss my old self after so long I was certain to be unlike my old me ever again. I had mourned the lost of that person; feared that part of me would never return. After working my mind out like a jarhead, I am pleased to feeling closer to my old self; even looking more like my old self - just more wrinkles and an excess of 15-ish prednisone pounds brought on this summer. :) Real friends can bring about the best feelings in the world!
• Parenting goofs, joys, and woes are fun to share with other parents that share the parent to parent equality when complaints and advice go back and forth. Of course, I can't always hear well and may have to ask for repeat info; but with patient friends - it is always a welcome. Especially from this particular parent that has a 14 & 3/4 yr. old girl, 8 yr-old boy with autism, and 7-year old boy. She is an angel to me and is one of my oldest true friends next to my precious MSMS friends. Even though she grew up around all girls as the big half-sister; all while being in a family full of women, she welcomes the "boy" advice - which is less than what she is able to offer over-all! :) Still, it's nice to be part of the conversation. I guess once I begin to bring up a new idea, she is quick to realize where I am going with my "what ifs"! ha ha She, like many, makes me feel like a major slacker. She home schools. She's (finally) found her male soul-mate and is engaged! Her life is NOW getting somewhere after losing everything to "Katrina". She's my hero in many ways.
• Why she claims I am her Hero, I honestly don't know. To be honest, she is probably the only person that was 'there' with me after I had to leave MSMS. She has watched how ugly things could get for me and was not run off by any of it. She's just a true friend. Her kids feel like extensions of me. They are my blessed God-children and any time or resources I can give them feel like a privilege for me. This past visit, I was excited to finally give the ol' Saturn (that still looks & runs like a top!) for my God-daughter to have eventually as her vehicle this December as a permit driver! It was almost sad to see the Saturn go, but when the time came; it felt good to do! I had some good times and visited some great people/friends in that Saturn. I only hope it is filled with even better memories for 'Aunt Lolly's' family.
• After talking about my parenting struggles with Lolly, I felt better as she could see descriptive woes I feel regarding times Joey is not motivated on school days that are the "repeat" unit information and having to work tirelessly on some-type of life lesson that ties to a book from the school library at his reading level as "a part-time home schooled" project, mainly since our public schools have no early programs for children younger than 3^rd or 4^th grade, is so time consuming for me – as well as tiring at times. It made my heart feel better and my nothing-more-than-a parent with simply an outside perspective trying to offer another point of view out of love helped me a lot. I am proud of Joey's full 1.9-2.9 reading level (to the end of 2nd grade; while only just starting the 1st). At first his teacher wanted to try putting him in a 2nd grade class just for reading. My response was, "UGH - NO"! ha ha I have concerns for him staying up to speed (which really means slightly ahead due to age) with his maturity for the 1st grade. He has caught up to date, but at his young age, certainly no ahead child - but I guess really well for a boy that is an offspring of mine! ;)
• After a weekend of me joking about the differences between boys and girls and how that carries into adulthood (while we all swam in my bar-tended alcohol! woo hoo) made for a barrel of laughs I needed to have!
• School started for Joey, first by a staggered entry day where I was contacted by the teacher immediately that evening. I'm thinking, what did my overly type-A child do?!!! I'll get to that in a minute... (At home, we have to keep things SO laid back so he will stop and breathe!)
• Since working with Joey on how to be a "good citizen" crusade this summer; I thought, "Surely on the fake day of school he did not regress..."! Only to find just the opposite! At the end of Joey's K year, they took the top 25 of 235 students and did an AR test. Joey tested almost through the 2nd grade. Talk of him skipping 1st grade reading was brought up only for me to veto the idea due to his young age and immaturity concerns. It turned out, during the first fake day of 1st grade, he read through both reading textbooks and the teacher wanted to suggest some alternatives.
• Right now, I want to be sure he knows what a subject, predicate; noun, pronoun, verb, and other proper punctuation/sentence choices are before he goes into 2nd grade, JUST for the X number of time for reading and homework assignments. That way, I am sure he isn't being sent out of the classroom without knowing key reading information. He's already got it and it's after a week of school. However, this teacher is really big on the Boys Town Social Skills. Her whole class must learn each and every one of the skills the first semester with her, whether they are "Boy" or "Girl". A side note, I LOVE this website and recommend it to anyone trying to find straight forward, logical ways to teach your boys how to socialize with more decency!
• Trying to socialize a boy can be difficult; as many do not miss subtle changes in their environment alone, yet tolerate too many B.S. stories for too long without losing trust in who ever is trying to paint the rosy-picture of bi-passed answers to their questions. Most boys are what-you-see-is-what-you-get and expect more of a return explanation after they’ve reached a certain age. I cannot think of any major lie I’ve given to Joey once the veil lifted; only try to give him the best age-appropriate answer for the question(s) and try not to help him figure out enough to ask another one! My biggest lesson: Keep it short. If I try to explain things in too much detail, I just lose his interest and his patience with me for the homework period! When I need him to do something, I’ve learned the command prompt should be a motherly tone, but much quicker of similar responses to Gene’s questions/comments. If it is snack time and then homework is to be done, with another task after that, I must say very simply, “Snack, homework! You’ll be homework busy until 4pm. Four is if no goofing or complaining happen, then you should be done”. Any major diversions, I have to quickly let him know how much more of his afternoon time is slipping by. “Play time may have to wait until after dinner”. It is amazing how this simple communication can help him in his newly formed self-management skills we help police him for. By getting beyond straight to the point, he becomes more agreeable with1 - 6 pages of homework and at least 1 book (sometimes 2) to read! Now, when I was in 1^st grade, I do not even remember homework!
• Naturally, now with the "no child left behind act" & it’s effect on our came about; even just the above-average school kid, according all major genres of education, report how these students, getting proportionally worse with increased aptitude, show they are not even motivated to want to do anything for themselves. They have had their ‘work’ handed to them, their parents unaware I do not want someone with his gift to be a lazy or unmotivated when he becomes an adult, but at the same time, he MUST know how to fit into society - it is one of the many reason's this child is in public school.
• It was hard after taking cupcakes to his class for his BDay only to see his model student behavior and also his disinterest in participating in things he already knows, but only doing what he has to for the A grade.
• Last year, he graduated with straight 100's. He loved it. Now, I am noticing less interest in certain types of homework and have finally been able to recruit Dad into this area to help. Thank God! Gene has always wanted to know everything as close to detail as possible when it comes to Joey's day and school-work. Now, he is more involved and he is a great at the things I could use his line of thinking on. He has also taken on a variety of things in the house to show Joey that men can do housework, too, especially when Mom needs a little help! :) We've weathered 17+ years now, and I am never short of examples why we belong together and why he is my soul-mate. Aww....I love my boys, especially my Man!
• Naturally, nothing is always a bed of rose petals! Take marriage for example: Marriage is like planting a garden sometimes...it needs weeding, watering, proper light, soil (i.e., conditions) and before it ever gets going it has to be planted! After the growth, there is the reaping and the period where the vines die off to be pulled and the electric fence to be taken down. Once this happens, one may find ant hills occasionally take growth. Those years need more treatments. The years they don't take up after reaping, you merrily move into winter and snuggle up. I'm enjoying snuggling up and have more years than not. It was hard after coming here for Gene's family and hard for him to see that many weren't the parental/family units he thought he had. It was such a blow to each of us differently.
• Now after also struggling for almost the same amount of time that we have been back here, I have finally been put on (after going through a long on and off of other many things for 'potential SLE or RA') Embrel for RA and have finally seen enough of a difference that I want to STAY here, now, finally.

• Now, to curl up and watch Project Runway...

I have missed you all and look forward to speaking/emailing back with you all again!

I hate I have been off the blog grid, so to speak, but am making attempts to improve.

Yours, Suz

In Starkville for week

Hey guys! Not reachable by email this week: Will be at our Starkville house doing finishing touches for next rentors. If you need anything, please feel free to text my cell number or call it. It is the one that ends in 9970!
Happy Fourth of July!
Prayers needed for recent Crohn's flare trouble and severity.
You guys are always in my thoughts! Give us a call if you are planning anything near Starkville over the next week! We were thinking of trying to make it to Geyser Falls Wed. Time for gut to heal a little more will tell.
Joey will hopefully be getting to ride his bike on MSU campus this week and is SOO looking forward to it!
Must get on the road!
-S

Joey's spring school picture:

Destined Mother for a Boy

I'm pretty sure I would not make a great Mom for a girl. I was never really like most girls and really am not into the whole "girl thing" so to speak. Therefore, I think that is why God placed so many men in my life. I can understand a boy from the time they are small to the time they are grown and then some. I was closest to my father. My closest friends growing up were boys. My closest adult friends, however, has finally shifted towards females, though I find I prefer to be friends with their spouse at minimum, or I am not comfortable. Maybe it is because I am now a Mother of a boy and I KNOW without a doubt, how they think. I grew up with a brother VERY close in age. I grew up with Gene after I "left" home for college. I could go on. Then, there is the plight of Motherhood itself. A treasure and yet, some other strange things mixed in. Sometimes it mixes my brain up and nothing comes out of my mouth right. Sometimes it heals every wound and I can feel like Yoda himself. Strange job, this one is. Simply reading this blog should demonstrate what I mean:

Muddle-Mother Power Activate! (it's sort of like a Superpower, but winds up sucking the life out of you, instead, on those hair-ripping days! It is all relative and proportional, of course!). he he

I often think I have a name for a new blog - Mother Muddles or maybe, Muddle Mothers - By day, fighting germs, the school systems, pathogens, teaching life skills, and many, many more things/ by night, making attempts a frequent as possible to keep your man happy and your family in harmony!

There are nights before the lights go down, you slip off your robe to show your spouse your recent "night-gown" you've been waiting for the right night to pull out off it's hanger....and you gently slip into your side of the bed - it's OH So warm and inviting to be in bed and off your feet, your brain begins to slow from thinking beyond the multitude of those that want your 24/7 attention....you look over at the love of your life...you both exchange those bedtime-eyes (you know, the exchange that has been replaced by what was used to give each other the bedroom-eyes, on the nightly basis?)...and you reach to turn off the light after you've kissed your man before he gets one last look at you in your classier version of the sleep cloths you'd normally wear. The lights go out. Both of you hug up to one another...you kiss one another...then, "goodnight Baby" barely makes it out of both of your mouths before you each fall deeply asleep (that is, until the next day, where our early morning riser child will bring on new “I must get out all my toys and anything else up for grabs” fiasco occurs.) Thank God my boy is sweet to his Mother and is getting rather independent about putting his things back up!

We have a “rule” for Joey for Saturday and Sunday mornings, if you will get up on your own and play for a few minutes while one of us tries to get out of bed, have coffee, and then slam on the couch to be in the room with you until we wake up enough to actually play and do things together – you can get out any toys you want – and the “rule” where you put up what you were playing with before getting the next thing out – is suspended. This works like a charm. These toys then get picked up after the end of the weekend (with the exception of a few in the way)

I’ve learned a lot since the days of growing up around all boys in one town we lived in, as well as growing up with a slightly older brother, in addition to being committed to the same man for ~17 years: all boys are alike – their age has little to do with their basic needs.

The older they get, the more expensive their toys. Once they have one toy, they immediately think of the next thing they want. They need a woman with a big heart to cheer them on and explain how the world is. They need lots of hugs and praise when they do well. They need to KNOW when they have REALLY screwed up so they do not repeat said screw-up, but do not need to be told in a speech or by being yelled at – this upsets the male brain. They do not liked to be yelled at in anger or spoken rudely to, unless you want to expect this same behavior back from them. Let them enjoy playing WHATEVER THEY WANT for a decent amount of time to wind down when they have had it up to their ears with too much work/school. Always make sure a good snack is around. Always be around to give a hug or simply offer consolation/encouragement/kind words/hugs. When they are bored, give them something fun and new to do or take them to do something fun and new or tell them a funny story. Change their routine very little. Dress them nicely, cheer them on, criticize very little. Do not encourage bad behavior; even allow them to know you are “disappointed” in said behavior, but do not nag. My struggle: don’t over talk. Get straight too the point when making one. Ask questions, but do not ask 20 questions. Be specific. Sympathize with their response to the question, no matter what it is to get them to talk more. They are simple creatures that love organization, but not necessarily neatness. They need to know where all their THINGS are and if THINGS are moved, they must be in-serviced on such. Let them know where you stand on almost anything and what you expect from them. Tell them every morning and every night you love them, ‘no matter what’. Try to have a room just for them and their playtime. Respect their space so they will respect yours when you need it. Keep them close by and watch carefully if suddenly things get quiet and you know they aren’t occupied. This means they have either wondered off, fallen asleep, or are about to get into trouble! Give first and then you will get – no matter how long it takes before you see the receiving end!

Uhh (sigh) - another day for Muddling through Motherhood until tomorrow!

Suz!

Just some pictures...

Everybody has been so cool at taking pictures of their places and I realized: "We built this house (and still have some outside things to finish, i.e., driveway, landscaping, etc.) not even 2 years ago"!
SO, I guess I'll attempt to add some pictures....

Picture of the house from part of the front yard, with Purple Martin house in view. Yes, the Saturn is still with us...

House from the front, not a real close-up, but close enough to see the wrap-around porch. There is one one the back that doesn't wrap, just is across the back. The upstairs balcony goes inside to either Joey's room or Gene's office.

House from the side the driveway and parking (that will be extended to the back of the house so we can walk groceries right into the back door that goes into the kitchen. The double window on this side is to the kitchen. Part of the back porch is visible.

Where the garden grows in the summer.


Looking on towards one of the "sides" of the front yard.


Another side yard - the tree ahead is Joey's tree. Has his swings, etc. on it. :)

Looking from the kitchen in to the "Great Room" (as called by the original design). This view kind of captures the part of the room that includes the stairs to the upstairs.

Looking down into the Great Room, which includes bay-window seating for breakfast/informal dining, part of the kitchen that includes the island with bar stools, and the area we sit to watch T.V. The sofas are really one big sectional put in a little different. It has about 4 configurations depending on your living space. It's chocolate brown, not black! I hope it isn't showing black! Let's face it, Gene has all the photography skills in the family...

OK, I'm tired, so this concludes the first part of the tour of the Hellums' house. As you can tell, it is definitely more Farmhouse than anything. Those wood floors are special to us, too. Gene laid every single board by hand and nailed each one. If it weren't for our experience with "fixing up" houses, building a new one would have been more difficult for us.

Miss hearing from ya'll! I'll have to get around to checking blogs someday soon. Haven't had time after doing my own posts! I'm so SLOW!

Turtle

Some good days, A lot more bad days based on the addition of bad moments vs. the good ones

Dearest friends:
I was so grateful to run across the attached web site's material tonight after going through one of "those" few days:
It happens pretty regularly - only the symptoms or problem changes - this time - one day, a migraine, that night, no sleep of any worth to my body, the next day, fatigue and "brain fog"...Yes, Mother's of children face this problem - many will force themselves to bathe, put on make-up, and carry on with their day. But what about those of us - the ones of us that cannot always bathe without help on "those days from being too stiff or in too much pain - what do people like me do? Well, to be honest, I have the "bath in a sanitary pack". They come like baby wipes, travel size or in a bigger box. They contain some awful crap in them that dries out the skin; yet is effective in getting off any dirt and is really a great compromise for a bath when I can't take one. Typically, I have to use these about 2 days out of 7, and sometimes 1 day of 7, I just don't feel well enough to bathe. It does suck, but it is less embarrassing than my almost 6 year old see his Dad having to "take care of me".
Frankly, we explain things differently right now for Joey so he isn't horrified to find out his Mom is not somehow close to normal. I need my son to have a concept of what normal is for him to form those healthy brain cells, so if he should ever (God help him, I hope he never does to the extent some of us have) see hell; he has normal brain chemistry in his mind to recover.
In the meantime, like any parent, we are teaching him to cope with the real world that he has, as an almost 6 year old.
My closest analogy to being chronically ill is like having a newborn baby that doesn't ever grow up: It requires constant attention, causes me to feel sleep-deprived, some days I don't bathe or wash my hair, although my yearn to feel normal over-rides this feeling more often than not and I delve into what usually is a 1 hour bath, It just takes that long - kind of like bathing your newborn. If you can apply that logic to just about anything a person with a newborn does, you've got my life. So, I keep up with a 38 yr old, a 6 year old, a newborn, and on the days I get to - myself. I miss myself. I don't get to have enough time with myself.

Because there seems to be little understanding as to when I might be seen on a good day or bad day, I found the following a good start for those lacking in the common courtesy arts for the Chronically Ill:
Here is a great explanation from another blog about us "Chronically Ill" folks:

"Invisible Disabilities?" What Does That Mean?

"A person is considered to have a disability if he or she has difficulty performing certain functions (seeing, hearing, talking, walking, climbing stairs and lifting and carrying), or has difficulty performing activities of daily living, or has difficulty with certain social roles (doing school work for children, working at a job and around the house for adults)" (Disabilities Affect One-Fifth of All Americans). Just because a person has a disability, does not mean they are "disabled." Many living with physical or mental challenges are still able to be active in their hobbies, work and be active in sports. On the other hand, some struggle just to get through their day at work and some cannot work at all.

According to the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 (ADA) an individual with a disability is a person who: Has a physical (or mental) impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities; has a record of such an impairment; or is regarded as having such an impairment (Disability Discrimination). To read A List of Limitations on Major Life Activities Click Here.

Often when we think of the term, "disability," we assume it only refers to people using a wheelchair or walker. On the contrary, the 1994-1995 Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP) found that 26 million Americans (almost 1 in 10) were considered to have a severe disability, while only 1.8 million used a wheelchair and 5.2 million used a cane, crutches or walker (Americans with Disabilities 94-95). In other words, 74% of Americans who live with a severe disability do not use such devices. Therefore, a disability cannot be determined solely on whether or not a person uses assisted equipment.

The term Invisible Disabilities refers a person's symptoms such as extreme fatigue, dizziness, pain, weakness, cognitive impairments, etc. that are sometimes or always debilitating. These symptoms can occur due to chronic illness, chronic pain, injury, birth disorders, etc. and are not always obvious to the onlooker.

A person can have an Invisible Disability whether or not they have a "visible" impairment or use an assistive device like a wheelchair, walker, cane, etc. For example, whether or not a person utilizes an assisitive device, if they are debilitated by such symptoms as extreme pain, fatigue, cognitive dysfunctions and dizziness, they have invisible disabilities.

References: Disabilities Affect One-Fifth of All Americans, 1997 www.census.gov/prod/3/97pubs/cenbr975.pdf

Disability Discrimination www.eeoc.gov/types/ada.html

Americans with Disabilities www.census.gov/apsd/www/statbrief/sb94_1.pdf

I'm hoping this information (and venting that I needed to do) will clear up any questions for those that wonder why some of us can "look just fine", even "better than ever", and can still be worse than you'd ever know.

Love (and feeling Loss)
me

Another Con in Newborn Vaccinations: (including toddlers, young children, etc.)

Another study showing the ineffectiveness of vaccinations, summarized by HealthDay; April 4th:

Study suggests reducing food intake may impair immune system.

University of Chicago researchers found that reduced food intake or even, reducing the amount of feed to a similar mammalian [immunological model -deer mice] system, impaired the immune system's response. The findings were published in the May/June issue of Physiological and Biochemical Zoology. Furthermore, "decreasing the amount of food the mice ate by 30 percent significantly decreased the number of B cells in their systems." The same authors stated, "previous studies have also found that vaccines that provoke B cells to protect the body long-term, such as the vaccine for measles, are less effective among the malnourished."

What is the take home message? Babies are born and have to become accustomed to mouth feeding. Some take to it quickly, others are slower to start. Either way, it takes some infants months to become prepared for the introduction of solid foods, much less become accustomed to a regular feeding schedule shortly after birth. However, before you leave the hospital with your newborn in hand, unless you otherwise state; your baby will be vaccinated with, at minimum, 3 vaccines! Knowing this information alone, are we all really comfortable letting someone that knows nothing about our family history, child's birth weight, or feeding habits, make such a vital decision for us because of State and Federal mandates? When Joey was born, my answer was "No". When asked, my answer is still, "no". Unfortunately, our children must be vaccinated in order to attend daycare facilities, public schools, and even private pre-school/daycare facilities so that the facilities do not risk the loss of their license by 'aiding and abetting' in a form of "child-abuse"(!) (as defined by many agencies that regulate these practices, including the AMA)! How, as concerned parents, do we get around such strict measures? Finally, after all the hell I've been through, I finally am getting the message. I need to share these lessons. For now, I will start with this one: One, be prepared to cut you or your partner's man hours. 2) Do not employ anyone in their toddler years that is a "licensed daycare giver", etc. 3) Get informed. Find out what vaccines are for what 'diseases' and whether they are from live attenuated virus or LAV particles. If no, is it a DNA vaccine or RNA vaccine? I have found over the 15+ years of being in the research and clinical lab fields, that DNA vaccines (that are not mixed with other vaccines) are pretty safe, and would be the only vaccine I agreed Joey could get before we left the hospital on the 3rd day after he took his first breath without me or in the safety of my womb. 4) If you want to see how your baby is going to respond to a vaccination, go with the anti-DNA HBV vaccine series first. It has been proven to be recognized by the immune-system in the same way the immune system would recognize the virus itself, however, the live attenuated viral particles/LAV are not part of the vaccine make-up. 5) Most importantly, when it comes to beginning vaccinations of your infant/toddler/child, establish early-on "one vaccine at a time"(not one vaccine-type at a time, but literally, one vaccine for one disease at a time). No trained/long-standing pediatric nurse or pediatrician will allow your child to be vaccinated again for 21-28 days minimum. Considering the hustle and bustle of Pediatric Clinics, it is wise to have the 'worst' of the vaccines (the combination vaccines or "com vac's", as they are often called) to be planned ahead of time and given during the summer months, when cold and flu season is well over. Also, find a time when no one that has/has had immediate contact with your child is, or has been, sick for 72 hours prior to the day your child gets his/her first "com vac"or start of his/her vaccine series. Once you are able to see (& document) how your child does with other vaccines (including your 1st Hep B), and after you have an established eating and sleep schedule, feel free to allow for the 2nd Hep B with a "com vac" or a different vaccine to be started/given - IF your child has already tolerated (a) previous vaccine(s) or their first set that can be combined. 6) It is best to vaccinate, if possible, during a time when your child will be in your care the most over the 21-28 day period mentioned so YOU can be the one to document any fever, illness symptoms, behavior changes, etc. Once you see how your child responds to EACH vaccine or vaccine group (some come in groups regardless), do not allow ANYONE to talk you into skipping ANY timebefore the "booster shot" is due! If anything, think back to your own childhood, when booster shots were given at age 12 years and ask yourself, "Why does my child need 5 DTaP/DT/Td vaccines, 4 Prevnar, 4 Hib, 2 MMR, 4 Hep B (actually, that one, if scheduled correctly, can be done by the time your child starts Kindergarten if you go on the basis that your child's immune system is in decent shape for that one), 4-5 Polio, and possibly 1-2 Hep A (depending on state regs.) vaccines before he/she is 5 years old??!"!!

It is a hot topic, yet excellent question, for those of you concerned about this issue. This one issue can cause the questions regarding it lead to heated debates between scholars, state mandate's, doctors, parents, and researchers, and usually, the children getting the "shots" themselves! I've heard about parents guilted into accepting responsibility for their infants to get their vaccines "on time; while they won't remember them" as a way to get cooperation from 'combative' or 'over-protective' parents. Logically, if someone needs to scare you into making a decision; you definitely want to check into what and when each vaccine is required by your state, as well as, what it is for and more importantly, how far you can possibly stretch out those last (or in some cases, last couple of) "booster" shots? (This information should be public knowledge in each state and easily found via the Internet.)
Consider this: the meaning of a "booster shot" is to re-familiarize the immune system of its ability to eradicate the disease in question with the original B cell(s) that are storing the originally-formed antibodies (which can take time, some vaccines state 21-28 days before "symptoms of the vaccine dissipate!). Upon final vaccination, that B cell/antibody forms it's final 'back-up copy', so to speak, in order for it to be recalled later in life. (The earlier vaccines were established for childhood exposures, but for some reason, 'not all children' were getting the proper response required by the vaccine. Therefore, the vaccination rate started earlier and the amounts given have gone up.)
It seems the longer between (at least) the final "booster shots" and the initial, immune-accepting vaccine(s), the better for the maturing immune system (using A + B = C thinking). With the above in mind, you can answer this question: if your 'established' infant/toddler/child just got their first series of vaccinations 2 months ago, do you really think the immune system (needing 21 years to reach maturity), is going to FORGET it has gotten a vaccine recently? If Immuno-toxicologists/Immunologist were speaking (or if asked myself), the given answer is "No", and always will be.

Yours,
XXOO
Suzanne

SOAP-BOX ALERT!

This is sensitive material for mature audiences only. If you do not have any strong opinions for a better political, economic, social-economic, or general improvement in "mass ethics"; then do not read any further. I recommend one of the pages to the left to read instead.

If you are bold enough to continue, keep in mind this is what I wanted to write on the petition sponsered by the Care 2 Action Network (also on the left) for "making high-quality, voluntary pre-kindergarten available to all American children":

You've been warned! Reading any further is at your own discretion and therefore if you have a problem with it, please remember I kinda, well, "told you so"! :)

Ignorance has cost us the lives of some of our most precious resources.

Children are our #1 resource; the only renewable 'energy' we have, and yet, their future is more unstable than my great-grandparent's future was back when they all huddled in one school house room, if they were lucky enough to have a local school!

At present, many cities’ kids are not even safe to GO to school. Some are killed just for BEING at school. While pre-K for all children will help every young mind get the right start towards what is important and vital for them to have a better future than the one looking at our current graduates, it is only the beginning solution to our problems.

Take the following: for example, if $1 from EVERY convoluted government- funded program would allow all children to have pre-K; literally leaving "no child left behind", then the advanced material started earlier because it is repeated over and over for the "NCLB Act" might literally happen, without an “Act” to prevent children from being “left behind” in school academics.

Consider then, what another $2 ought to allow: better pay for teachers, for instance. After all, these are the people that serve as "other parents" of our children during the school week days, yet they have no authority as “parental figures” and now thanks to “NCLB Act”, no TIME because of ridiculous bureaucratic paperwork in order for them to provide any kid the one-on-one attention, encouragement, or discipline needed to teach them at such a young age!

Then, JUST IMAGINE what $3 from such a mass of programs could create for cities like Chicago, with gang issues, that could have something like early-aged after school programs for just their age group - programs sponsored by schools, parents, and their communities that could help these young children to learn to bond with people instead of fighting the very authority that wishes they could protect them, but must instead wait until they visibly SEE a “real problem” on school premises before being able to refer these children to the over-burdened social worker system already dealing with the grown version of the younger problems that, we as parents, can identify by the time our children start their second semester of their Kindergarten year!!!

Then, just MAYBE, $4 would allow youth to stay in a safe and secure environment; while they learn, bond, and grow under authority that is PAID ENOUGH, so that only the best of people are wanting to teach and help raise our country’s children; caring extra for the ones that need early intervention. Is it possible then, that parents would allow the schools to pull these children as early as Kindergarten; to teach them about bonding, friendship, how to ask for their needs to be met in a non-threatening, honest way through an anti-bully and/or friendship “program” - so that they learn how to feel good about themselves way before the allure of a gang crosses their mind!

Let’s face the hard facts: the generation(s) ahead of these hypothetical kids, graduates today, were not allowed any MORAL direction in school because anything that resembled respect, discipline, ethics, or teaching of our oldest world historical book that suggests a "higher power" or conscience or any such lessons were banned from our schools YEARS ago!!!

Then, just MAYBE, THESE hypothetical pre-K, cared for, and encouraged children, as adults would have a divorce rate that would go down. Maybe then, their kids would not have to turn away from their young peer group they barely learned to bond with early on because somewhere in their early lives they were watched after patiently, shown love, encouragement, and individual attention...get where I am going with this???

These national problems will take a while to fix, time could measure into generations – but the earlier the start, the earlier we will all begin to see that, for instance, that “John’s behavior” reported to Mom and/or Dad in pre-K would allow these kids the chance to have “identified early intervention” before “John” needs to turn to a gang for moral support; and would instead get the extra help and encouragement, etc. etc. that he needs to thrive.

If our society is ditching their children where they can “make ends” (as mentioned by one parent on the petition comments section), then let’s come up with an “end” for parents that is realistic, so that our children’s children will never have to be asked at school orientation when handed their yearly dress-code and conduct handbook to: ‘not bring weapons to school property’, ‘pass through metal detectors to check for devices deemed unsafe in an educational setting”, etc., as part of their Elementary School Orientation!

Didn’t the 70’s teach us anything? Are we so all ignorant that we have forgotten the demons that bring about these problems? If we are not there for our children, our family, our friends, or our neighbors; before you know it; we will all be without any morals, fighting one another in the street for some ‘thing’ worth less than the trouble we all went to obtain said thing.

If our country is moving in this direction with a G-force so strong the world is about to shift on it’s axis (or maybe that is what global warming was “really” started by!), then do alert me so that I may need to leave my boxes in the attic and never fully move in anywhere in case we need to make a quick get-away?!

Oh, I hate the soap-box! But, I had to let these feelings out! Honestly, they began before I sat in front of the computer; manifested in my despair to my immune system’s lack of response to every-day “germs” after trying to treat a rash obtained from a ‘clean’ pair of the ‘patient’ goggles I used at the dentist during a cleaning and an enamel repair. It snowballed from there as you can see.

I feel better; however, I fear I have created a monster in the process! Well, I guess I will either a) have NO friends left after this post or b) will be accused of more bizarre behavior and be tolerated by even fewer people. I’m not sure why it is we are not more honest about the things that we see as our greatest fears in raising kids in today’s society. While I am all for the positive thinking, mantras, and most importantly of all, setting the example I want to see from my child (which takes admission on my part of my wrong-examples or help from friends that are willing to be honest with me of their view-points, because family of this type does not exist for us); I also wish that the society where the one child/children in the community left without a Dad or decent parents were “taken in” for lack of a better word, by a neighbor or classmate’s family/Dad and therefore didn’t get “lost” – is just a thing of the past. If I can’t even count on my own immediate-extended family to be there when I need them, then really, I am only doing as well as the latest information I can get my hands on!

More than anything, I need my body to produce a consistent amount of immunity, so I can have the years that I really want to have with my husband and my son. There is so much left to say and so much left to do. Maybe now should be the time I ask for mass, prayer list prayers, for a turn in my failing health. My family that I have, no matter how small, really needs ME. If I cannot give them the Mother figure they need here, Joey and Gene will lose out in the long run if I should rapidly decline while we are here anytime in the current. This fear I have is generated by very real, daily struggles that I could not begin to explain, so I am making a plea for prayers. I need all you can request and ask for. I need my body to get in a more “acceptable, consistent quality” that Joey and Gene can count on – at the times they need me the most during each day. That’s all I’ll ask for that. The other, is to pray I live long enough to share how my story could very well be anyone’s story – and how I got out of the dysfunction and began to travel down my own road; slinging a blade to every grass too tall for me to walk over, stopping to build bridges where water was too steep for me to wade through, until finally, I made it out of the woods and can clearly see what I still wish many others I used to walk beside or even behind could see.

The Best Birthday Gift for the Age-Challanged!

Hi everybody!

I have my own personal secretary! I have just been given the Naturally Speaking speech recognition software. Finally, I have the secretary my dad always said that I would have when he recommended I skip taking a typing class! I am still working out some of the bugs, however, so far things are going pretty well. It is amazing what technology can do!

Happy birthday to me one day late! I would've Blogged this sooner, however, I had to get through the tutorial first.

Now I can finally update everyone more often!

If I could just get it to e-mail for me, then my life would be much easier. Even better than that, if I could get it to answer my phone, I would be even better off!

Love,

Suz

Advice for struggling parents with an "able-minded" child(?)

Today, there is a tremendous amount of research that exists regarding “intelligent children” that didn’t when I was a child. In addition, public schools are covering concepts with kids close to 1 to 2 grades earlier than when I went to school.

Now, I am raising my own child. He is smarter than I was at the age he is, however, the school systems have changed who they care about teaching because of the “no child left behind” Act. Kindergarten classes may cover material earlier than ever before; it is only because they have to teach it repetitively so that the lower and average students are not “left behind”.

When Joey went to private pre-school, he covered more material than they have covered in his Kindergarten classes, other than maybe advances in word reading. Of course, Joey is able to take that and advance it to 1^st and 2^nd grade (current day) reading.

It is hard for me to figure out what to do for him to keep him interested in school. They send home so much “busy-work” homework that is the repeat of what he did the day before, or that day, in class. Joey is complaining of being bored at school (in class). He is also showing signs of lack of motivation. I’ve been consumed with issues of what to do for him so he doesn’t become spoiled, lazy, gives up because he is not challenged at school; while trying to figure out how I can help him at home, because his school doesn’t start gifted classes until 2nd grade!

I finally found there is a wealth of information and programs out there – however, many programs for kids with a high intellect do not start these programs until 4^th grade! I am afraid I will lose Joey by the 4^th grade under these conditions! Not only that, I found a lot of research shows “that if gifted children/people aren’t challenged, after a while they lose interest in challenging themselves. They stop growing. They stop caring.” I don’t want Joey to stop caring before he ever got a chance to start!

For me, I challenged myself to have a haven away from my private hell of a home-life. But Joey loves being at home, gets to ask complicated questions and play complicated games here. I’d love to home school him, but I feel at this age, it seems so inappropriate – especially because we are so isolated from other people where we live. Joey fits the description of a certain type (apparently there are 4 types of “gifted personalities”) of gifted personality that only values having a few close friends, opposed to a majority of different friends, so I am questioning how I can help him more here, have even considered home-schooling him at a later date; only after he has established friendships.

As far as his “intellectual personality” goes, he fits the “Characteristics of Giftedness” to the letter (from http://www.gifteddevelopment.com/What_is_Gifted/characgt.htm):

• Reasons well (good thinker)
• Learns rapidly
• Has extensive vocabulary
• Has an excellent memory
• Has a long attention span (if interested)
• Sensitive (feelings hurt easily)
• Shows compassion
• Perfectionist
• Intense
• Morally sensitive
• Has strong curiosity
• Perseverant in their interests
• Has high degree of energy
• Prefers older companions or adults
• Has a wide range of interests
• Has a great sense of humor
• Early or avid reader (if too young to read, loves being read to)
• Concerned with justice, fairness
• Judgment mature for age at times
• Is a keen observer
• Has a vivid imagination
• Is highly creative
• Tends to question authority
• Has facility with numbers
• Good at jigsaw puzzles

There are several non-profit organizations out there to help out children that are not being challenged at school. Many of these parents are home schooling there kids. I’m trying my hardest to teach Joey other things that he has an interest in at home. When it is time for him to return to school, he absolutely cannot stand to go some days. The days he does like involve having extra time to play with his best friend on “long recess” days, which are Mon and Wed.

While looking into what I can do for Joey and how to help him, I come across this information:

“A New Definition of Giftedness - Defining Giftedness from Within

Giftedness is 'asynchronous development' in which advanced cognitive abilities and heightened intensity combine to create inner experiences and awareness that are qualitatively different from the norm. This asynchrony increases with higher intellectual capacity. The uniqueness of the gifted renders them particularly vulnerable and requires modifications in parenting, teaching and counseling in order for them to develop optimally." (The Columbus Group, 1991, in Morelock, 1992)

"Asynchrony" means being out of sync, both internally and externally. "Asynchronous development" means that gifted children develop cognitively at a much faster rate than they develop physically and emotionally, posing some interesting problems. For example, ideas forged by 8-year-old minds may be difficult to produce with 5-year-old hands. Further, advanced cognition often makes gifted children aware of information that they are not yet emotionally ready to handle. They tend to experience all of life with greater intensity, rendering them emotionally complex. These children usually do not fit the developmental norms for their age; they have more advanced play interests and often are academically far ahead of their age peers. The brighter the child, the greater the asynchrony and potential vulnerability. Therefore, parents who are aware of the inherent developmental differences of their children can prepare themselves to act as their advocates. (Silverman)”

This definition of gifted children classifies my child almost as if he was part of the study group! Few close friends get to witness Joey’s “intellectual personality” (where he is comfortable) have commented on Joey’s different responses to things. Naturally, I am so concerned about anything I might do in order to encourage his behavior that is perceived negatively by his peers or teachers (also, Gene and I have made rapidly accepted changed to Joey’s discipline and expectations, which have given us the opportunity to see what it is that is a result of Joey’s intellectual experiences). Because he is socially aware, I have often resorted to what is acceptable “socially” (so to speak) in order to get him to understand why he cannot use certain behaviors to respond to children/people acting out what is perceived as “unjustly” by Joey’s definition. We use this technique to reassure Joey how to act when he is either treated unfairly by a playground bully or simply isn’t getting his needs met during nap time in the classroom, but is too self-conscience about speaking up about either for fear of being a “tattle-tale” or maybe because he doesn’t want to “get in trouble”. He will sit and suffer in order to keep his good standing with his teachers (why he doesn’t do this at home is beyond me, but I am glad he trusts us, and a few certain other people in our lives, to show us where he is having problems dealing with things). Honestly, I’d LOVE to send him to private school, but I don’t want him to be in an ivory tower his whole life, either!

What choices have some of you made for your kids in this situation? This is something I read over and over about trying to figure how I can make better for him, but seem to only succeed in areas such as taking him to a museum, on the University campus, do little experiments at home, etc. I would like for him to have the material placed in front of him at school set at a pace he would be challenged, but I am not sure what my rights are involving a “special” curriculum that I would have to plan anyway if he were to be allowed such a thing at his school! Any suggestions?

Thanks! Suz

The Ending to a Beautiful & Long Overdue Holy Week

Wow! What a week! It has been so busy, that I wasn't able to get Joey to the first Sunday "Service" at Saint Peter's Episcopal in Oxford I wanted him to go to (Palm Sunday - a favorite), however, I had decided Maundy Thursday would be the perfect one to take him to since it is so simple and makes such a statement about the tradition and beauty of the evening it represents. I woke up that day feeling I was going to make it through a 'good day'.
We had committed ourselves ALL day for the service, and somehow once it got to an hour before the service, I was in excruciating pain and we did not get to go. I looked back again in my Book of Common Prayer to find the "Stations of the Cross" that follows the Good Friday noon service & decided it would be the next best one for Joey to experience.
IT WAS! I explained to him before it all started how Jesus had worn a crown of thorns and was made to carry his own cross up a long stretch of paths that would lead to the top of a Mountain. He has seen the 3 crosses at the Baptist church next door to our house where we are blessed with the use of their track for Joey's bike rides, etc. Of course, we also will contribute to the church and participate in a few choice activities in order to appear often enough to not lose the privileges we have gained from being part of this odd community where we live (not that they don't benefit from me picking up trash while I'm there, either)! However, all the times we attend the Southern Baptist Church almost next door (across the road from the easement we share - so really like 10-15 acres away); it never feels anything like the tradition and reverence of the ceremonies of the church I grew up in.
Being able to take Joey to one and find one he could begin to participate in a chapel service has been a hard decision to make; but he has really opened up lately and asked a lot of extremely interesting society-type questions. One was, "Do children go to jail?". At first, I was horrified by him asking this question, to which my response was, "were you planning on going or what?"!! Finally after some talking on his part, I realized he took a comment I had made to him about the use of his bad manners [in front of some people he is comfortable with] could very well be interpreted as he being a bad person, of which I know he is not. Joey having heard one cousin family member of mine and I discussing another person in my family; whom I said I thought was 'terrible, bad, a troublemaker' and "surprised he never went to jail" all as Joey was listening (as he always is) and thought his "bad" manners (my description of them ONCE) and thought hecould go to jail for them! He is so abstract! In spite if the abstract-nature he has, he does care very much about others and when he learns he has compromised the feelings or life of another person or living being, he takes it so hard he can be brought to cry. He takes critism so hard, I think, because he is already very self-aware and self-critical. It breaks my heart.
Knowing this about him, but also knowing he wanted to attend the church in the chapel, I decided the Stations of the Cross would be the first one he would attend with just me. We literally went through all 14 Stations, overall which Joey knew what to expect before-hand! I was about to pass out from all the walking, I think as well as Joey for such a hot day, but it was a resounding success! I was so happy to see the alter still stripped and the crosses still covered in the chapel. Joey and I sat in there after everyone had left to talk about anything he didn't understand. All he didn't get was why they used a cross to punish Jesus. I left out the part of history about how people were judged and "justice" was served in a different way all those thousands of years ago!

Because of his interest, we both returned with Gene together on Holy Saturday after sundown for the candle-light Easter Vigil. Before we started the Vigil in the newly moon-lit courtyard, I was able to light candles in memory of those that will not be forgotten and yet, could not be with me in the flesh since the last time I attended an Easter Vigil.

After lighting the Paschal candle, burning incense, and every candle (including Joey's) was lit from that flame; we were able to enjoy 1 hrs and 30 minutes of the service before Joey even got antsy! I was so happy to get to attend this service, which in all fairness to Joey, was a LONG service for a 5.5 year old to attend! I would have been squirming in my seat WAY before did! I also tried to explain the things we would do before they happened, which seems to help him have more patience with respect, church, etc. Once Joey started the "wiggle-yet-not-embarrassing-me-yet" dance he does, I sent him and Gene to the car - where after immediately Holy Communion was held, I got to partake of, and joined my family in the car! The service was SO moving and I cried a great deal for those I have lost over the last 2 years. It was truly a memorable service. I was so glad this is how we broke up our Holy Week services this year!

I hope the newness that has passed within my soul and spirit will remain for as long as my spirit needs to be fed for the days ahead. I would also wish this for each of you.

Peace be with you!
Suz